so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
