That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
