oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
