I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
