Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
