she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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