I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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