Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
