He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
