Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
