Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
