i think my mom watched the whole time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
