So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
