I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
nutella sex= disaster
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
