scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
