Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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