watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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