I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're like the curious george of whores
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
