peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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