Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
