Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
