Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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