the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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