You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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