you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
