Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
