So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
