I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
