So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
