I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
