Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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