Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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