Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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