you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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