hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
