I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
