is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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