UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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