this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
