this beer tastes like vomit already
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm too high and old for this...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
