Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
