i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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