You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
