I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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