God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
