I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
