Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
