Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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