Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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