my vag is so smooth its legendary
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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