How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
