apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
