He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
