i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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